(Un)happy Mother's Day

For all of the years we were trying to have a baby, Mother's Day was a painful reminder of what we did not have. When I finally became a mom, I was looking forward to finally being able to celebrate Mother's Day. Unfortunately things didn't work out that way. My mom (who was the best mom on the planet and my best friend) was diagnosed with acute leukemia the week Davis got released from the NICU. After a seven week stay in the NICU, the son we had waited so long for was finally coming home. What should have been one of the happiest times of my life was also one of the saddest.

My mom fought hard to beat her cancer, but unfortunately she lost her battle. She died on Mother's Day (May 9) in 2004. Every since then, Mother's Day has left me sad. I am so sad that my mom died, sad that I cannot celebrate her as a mom, sad that she only got to see Davis a few times (she was not allowed to be near children under two due to a compromised immune system), sad that she will never get to meet Samuel, sad that my boys will not know her. On a day that I should be so happy with the way things have turned out for us, I continue to feel sadness about my loss. I hope and pray that as time goes by that I will be able to enjoy the day more and celebrate being a mom to the best sons on the planet. I am truly blessed and need to remember that when I start to feel blue.