Saturday, May 9, 2009

(Un)happy Mother's Day

For all of the years we were trying to have a baby, Mother's Day was a painful reminder of what we did not have. When I finally became a mom, I was looking forward to finally being able to celebrate Mother's Day. Unfortunately things didn't work out that way. My mom (who was the best mom on the planet and my best friend) was diagnosed with acute leukemia the week Davis got released from the NICU. After a seven week stay in the NICU, the son we had waited so long for was finally coming home. What should have been one of the happiest times of my life was also one of the saddest.

My mom fought hard to beat her cancer, but unfortunately she lost her battle. She died on Mother's Day (May 9) in 2004. Every since then, Mother's Day has left me sad. I am so sad that my mom died, sad that I cannot celebrate her as a mom, sad that she only got to see Davis a few times (she was not allowed to be near children under two due to a compromised immune system), sad that she will never get to meet Samuel, sad that my boys will not know her. On a day that I should be so happy with the way things have turned out for us, I continue to feel sadness about my loss. I hope and pray that as time goes by that I will be able to enjoy the day more and celebrate being a mom to the best sons on the planet. I am truly blessed and need to remember that when I start to feel blue.


DD said...

I wish I knew what to say. I hope you talk about your children's grandmother to them so they can at least know her in spirit.

Thinking of you.

Shamae said...

I'm sorry Kelly. I had forgotten about your mother passing away on Mother's Day until you posted this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

A.M.S. said...

Many hugs to you.

Evergreen said...

I'm sorry Kelly. Hugs and best wishes to you. How hard to have what is supposed to be a celebration be overrode by the sadness and loss of your mom. I'm sorry.

Thank you for visiting my blog. I just read through your adoption story, and your most recent posts ("my 2 sons" was perfect). It is very inspiring to read your story and then to see your beautiful family. We had talked about going with ANLC, but opted for a local agency - so it was fun to read about your process with them. We also turned down a match because of mental health issues, so I understand your debate (way back then!)

Debbie B said...

So sorry that this special holiday brings unhappy memories for you.
I lost my dad suddenly 3 short months after you lost your mom. I still grieve his loss especially on days when Isabel is being her super sweet self as I know my dad would have loved her.
It's hard to know how to honor their memory for our kids but I hope to be able to do that and you do have those memories with Davis to hold onto with her. I know you cherish those even though they were sad times.

Anyhow, sorry to ramble, got a bit emotional. Hugs and prayers that maybe next Mother's Day will bring a little bit more joy then the last 5.

Karen said...

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Even the thought of losing my mom makes me choke up. Maybe you could start a family tradition where at the dinner table on mother's day you tell your sons funny and sweet stories about your mom? That would be a good way to honor her memory and the day of her passing, and help Samuel "know" her.