BFN

I broke down and POAS but got a BFN! I am not surprised but still really disappointed. I am now trying to decide if I want to cycle again next month or take some time off from officially ttc and focus on the adoption and getting healthy.

At a church function tonight we went around the room to say what we were thankful for during the past year. I started crying when it was my turn (I am such a stupid sap) and told everyone that I am most thankful for D. Everyone at the party knows about my IF struggles and the adoption so hopefully they understood why I was crying!

14.2

My progesterone level is 14.2, which means that I actually ovulated this cycle (they were looking for a 12 or better). We don't know when but its at least something given that its only the 3rd time this year that it has happened. I'll keep my fingers crossed the next few days and if AF does not show by Saturday I'll POAS. Wish me luck!

K

8 Kids and Counting

While C's parents were in town for Thanksgiving, I learned that one of C's cousin's wife is pregnant with her 8th (yes that is eighth) baby. She is going to have 8 kids 9 and under! Only two of them are twins. They can't afford to take care of the ones they have but do not see anything wrong with procreating again. Given that my MIL and grandmother in law know about the adoption, I did let it slip that I thought it was unfair that C and I couldn't have another child but they can have 8 kids that they can't really take care of. They both agreed whole-heartedly so that made me feel a little better.

Other than that, our Thanksgiving was really nice. C's parents and grandmother are so great with D and even though he only gets to see them a few times of the year, he adores them too.

I hope everyone had a nice day.

Update

We do not have any updates on the adoption front. We are still waiting for a match. We did get a call from ANLC about our homestudy. Since we are being marketed to races other than caucasion, we need to have our homestudy updated. I'll call the social worker after Thanksgiving about that. I added a ticker at the bottom of the page to keep track of the time since our profile went live. We are just under 3 months now. Seems like a lot longer.

In the meantime, we are still TTC just in case. This cycle I tried a new drug (for me), Fermara, but I either ovulated early or did not ovulate at all. When I went to the RE for my scan on day 13, my uterine lining was whitish so RE thought maybe I o'ed already. I went today to get a progesterone draw to see for sure. Either way, no IUI for us this cycle. I may or may not try again. This year I have done 4 clomid cycles (and o'd once) and one femara. Last year, I did 4-5 clomid cycles with a different RE (but o'd almost every time). I am getting really tired of taking drugs and suffering through hot flashes, etc. and not even ovulating. It's just so hard to sit back and do nothing but wait for a match. It feels so out of our hands and that is very frustrating.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Two Months and Counting

Our profile has now been up for two months and we still have not heard anything. I obsess over our profile count (although I know that a majority of the hits are other prospective adoptive parents looking at profiles so they can do theirs). I read D a Tarzan book yesterday and was able to use it to explain adoption to him. I am not sure he understood but at least it is a start. How do you explain such a concept to a 4 year old? If anyone has dealt with that, I'd appreciate some advice.



I mentioned in my last post that I was going to Las Vegas for a work trip. I had a great time and discovered that I am actually pretty good at Texas Hold'em. I actually won our work-sponsored tournament and got a nice prize.



I have also discovered that old habits die hard. Even though we are extremely excited about adding to our family through adoption, I still keep track of cm and try to time things right just in case. DH went in our hot tub yesterday and I raised my voice at him about it. Of our three pregnancies, two have been DIY so I still have hope.



We took D to his first college football game this past weekend - SMU vs. Tulane (I went to Tulane for law school). The game was fun but D hit a wall right after half time and didn't really pay attention to the game. I think we'll hold off for another few years before we try that again. We'd love to take him to an LSU game (undergrad for both me and DH). Nothing beats Tiger Stadium on a Saturday night!


I realize that this post is all over the place but I hadn't posted in a while so thought I'd post an update.

Still Waiting

Our profile has been live for about a month now and we havn't heard anything. I knew it would take a while to get a match so I just need to take a deep breath and relax. When it happens it will be the baby meant for us.

In other news, I am going to Vegas next week for a businss trip. I am excited about staying at the Bellagio. I've heard great things about the hotel. C will be a single dad for two nights. I know that he and D will have a great time without me.

Nothing else exciting going on right now.

My Mom

For some reason I have been thinking about my mom a lot more than usual lately. Its been 3 1/2 years since she died and almost 4 years since her diagnosis. I still miss her so much. I am sad that D never got to know her (she was diagnosed with acute leukemia the week D got out of the NICU). There are a few pictures of her holding D from his first Christmas that I show him occasionally but it really sucks that he missed out on that relationship! I really missed her when I had my m/c last year (she flew in and spent a week with me after my first m/c). As we have struggled to have another baby and moved on to adoption, I miss not having her to support us and be there. Other than Chris, I really don't have anyone to talk to about our struggles.

Anyway, I am not sure why I am thinking about her so much but know that she is looking down on us and smiling at D and wishing us the best of luck as we wait for a match.