News Is Not Good

I went this afternoon for my day 3 bloodwork and my day 3 ultrasound. I am still awaiting my FSH and estrogen results but the US did not look good at all. The RE (not my regular one but the other one in the practice) had a hard time finding my ovary and was only able to find one (1!) antral follicle. He advised against IVF, saying that my chances were 3 - 5%. With those chances, I don't think that I can spend the money on the IVF meds. I might see what my blood test results are and go back in next cycle to see if my RE has better luck but if the results look the same, it will probably be the end of ART for me (unless we pursue donor eggs and that does not appeal to me at this point). I am not as sad/upset as I thought I would be. I think that I knew in my heart of hearts what the US would show. I am so blessed to have D (and the more I learn about my f'ed up anatomy, the more I believe that he truly is a gift from God). I know that we will have another child one way or another when the time is right. I just hope its sooner rather than later!

Follow-Up Appointment and Adoption Update

I met with my RE today for my follow up from the lap. He showed me the pictures of my uterus and all of the scar tissue and adhesions that were there. What a mess! The good news from all of this is that he said that my uterus is about 80% of a normal sized uterus. I do not have a left ovary at all and he was unable to find my right ovary due to adhesions and/or scar tissue. He was afraid to start cutting the adhesions in a hunt for my ovary because he would have been doing it blindly and he was afraid that he might cut other important vessels, etc. The bad news is that with my ovary stuck behind scar tissue, etc., the chances of a pregnancy without IVF are VERY small. He thinks that any eggs would likely get stuck behind all of the scar tissue and not make it to the tube. Due to this, Follistim is no longer a viable option. If we are going to continue to pursue ART, we will be moving to IVF. I have a couple of concerns about doing it given my f'ed up anatomy. Not only is it a really big expense (meds are not covered), there is the physical/emotional aspect of taking all of those hormones. With only one ovary and being almost 38, I am concerned that I just won't produce enough eggs to make it worth the trouble. I am going to go in for a scan and FSH level on CD3 next cycle. He wants to make sure that he can still find the ovary with US.

Question for any readers: Do you know anyone with only one ovary that successfully tried IVF? How many eggs can one expect to produce per ovary (I know this varies based on a lot of factors but some of your experiences would be appreciated). Thanks for any responses or thoughts on whether this is the right choice for us.

On the adoption front, the girl that my dad knows is interested in pursuing adoption. We hope that our agency will get in touch with her soon to get more information. Our updated home visit is scheduled for the end of the month and we just got our FBI clearances.

People Disgust Me!

This story disgusts me on so many levels. How these two "parents" could abandon their twins just because they are girls is beyond comprehension. I wouldn't usually wish infertility on anyone, but here's hoping that any future IVF attempts are a failure for them. They do not deserve success.




Updated to fix the link.

Surgery/ Adoption Update

I had my surgery today and am doing really well. The only pain is the referred pain from the gas. Both my shoulders are killing me but moving around and using a heating pad is helping some. I'll know more after I see my doctor in two weeks but he did talk to C about what he found (or didn't find). There was a lot of scar tissue/adhesions. He was able to get rid of most of it. He indicated that my uterus is actually bicornuate instead of unicornuate. The second horn is rudimentary/undeveloped. He could not find a left ovary at all and thinks that that entire side did not develop. Its the side that has never shown anything on ultrasound. He could not see my right ovary either. C indicated that doctor said there was too much stuff in the way (he did not ask what stuff) to see it. The more procedures, etc. that I have, the more I am convinced that D is our miracle.

On the adoption front, we are in the process of updating our homestudy. We got fingerprinted yesterday and I mailed them off to the FBI for processing today. Our social worker is coming for the visit on 6/28 and we have gathered all of the reference letters and medical update letters that we need. Before last year's home visit, I was a complete wreck about cleaning the house, etc. This year I am much more laid back. I am going to clean up (we have a lot of clutter), but not going to obsess like last year.

My dad called last night and he knows a young girl who is 21 week pregnant and went for an abortion but couldn't afford the abortion (thank God!) so did not get it. She is possibly now interested in adoption and he is going to check with her to see if it is ok if our agency calls her on our behalf. We could do it outside of the agency and save a lot of money but they know all of the questions to ask, background checks to run, etc. so we are probably going to go that route if she is interested. If you are the praying kind, please pray that God protects this mother and her child and that she continues to stay away from the abortion clinic and chooses adoption (even if we are not the right parents for her child).

Surgery Scheduled

I sent my RE an e-mail about timing of my lap and he said he could do it on CD5 so I have scheduled it for this Friday. That gives me over a week to recover for my vacation which I hope is enough time. I am anxious to see what he finds (if anything). I can't believe that I have ttc over 8 years of my life total and this is the first time any doctor has ever mentioned doing this. It might not show anything but we'll never know until we do it. So wish me luck on Friday at 3:00.

Why do I do this to myself?

A big thank you to all of the commenters on my last post. Based on the comments, it looks like I am going to hold off on my lap for a cycle. I know its only one month, but that is a long time when you are my age. I turn 38 in July and move to a new category of IVF statistics and do not like them one bit.

I did something completely idiotic today. I am about 9 DPO and thought I would POAS this morning since I had one test left. I saw two lines show up immediately and I was so excited I even woke C up to tell him that we were pg. I was so excited and couldn't believe my eyes. Once I got a clear head, I opened the directions to the test and realized the two lines that I saw were both control lines - I was not pg after all. I can't believe that I did that. I want it so much that I fabricated a positive HPT. What an idiot. Why do I do this to myself?

Visit with RE and Adoption Update

I am tired of doing nothing so I decided to be proactive and made an appointment with my RE to discuss other options. All I have done so far is clomid/femara and IUIs. With my unicornuate uterus, I have been too afraid to do injectibles due to the risk of multiples but after talking the the doctor, we have a game plan. Next cycle, I will go in for day 3 blood work and then I will schedule an operative laparoscopy to check for scar tissue or endometriosis that might be preventing my tube from grabbing my eggs. Depending on how that comes back, I will either move on to injectibles with IUI or IVF. Luckily I still have some insurance coverage available (although meds are excluded). I am excited to be doing something (waiting for an adoption match is brutal!) but nervous at the same time.

A few questions for anyone that might know the answers: What is the recovery time for laparoscopic surgery? Would it be a problem for me to have this surgery the day before we go on vacation? Vacation will include a 4 hour car ride and there will be a lot of walking around that week. What is the cheapest place to get injectible meds? Is it better to go to a local pharmacy or is an online pharmacy better?

On the adoption front, we are in the process of updating our homestudy. When I called our social worker to talk about the update, he was surprised that we hadn't matched since almost all of the other couples that he works with using our facilitator match very quickly. I'll tell you that made me feel great! I called and they suggested that we open up to additional ethnicities. They thought that would counter the fact that I am not a stay at home mom. Its all very frustrating. We'll talk to the SW about that and probably have our updated homestudy include some additional ethnicities.

Thats it for now.